July 28, 2023 WHAT THE FUCK??
Blog #1: The Shift
Something in the world has shifted. I’m not certain when the shift happened. But a combination of entitlement, ineptitude and malevolence has invaded the space around me like someone’s bad breath. And since I can’t identify where the bad breath is coming from I can’t seem to escape it.
For me the shift started in the fall of 2021.
At that time, I decided to move to San Francisco to realize a life-long dream. The move was a nightmare as many cross-country moves are. So I didn’t think much about the fact that maybe the things that happened leading up to the move- including my dryer catching fire the day before I closed on my condo because the “master electrician” hired by my “ general contractor” had forgotten to tie off some live wires- weren’t just happening to me.
Over the past two and one-half years I have started to think that maybe it isn’t just me; maybe something really has shifted. Maybe that bad breath is wafting its way into our collective noses.
I don’t want to sound like a victim or be a victim. However, I have become weary to the core of people piling additional shit on me after I let them know they are shitting on me. It is almost as if I am not entitled to set reasonable boundaries with anyone.
And so, I started to write about the shift as a way to get these things out of my system and maybe even find the ironic humor in them. The stories just kept coming and coming. At this point I am beginning to wonder if my experiences are unique or- as I suspect- ubiquitous.
Here for example, is a story that just concluded this morning.
A few weeks ago, I went to Denver to visit my son and his husband. I booked a room in a house on Air Bnb. The day I arrived the temperature reached almost 100. When I got to my home away from home at 11:30 that night, the AC in the house was turned off. It was 74 or 75 in the main part of the house.
There was another “house guest” taking up space in the living room- by space I mean he had three computer monitors set up in the living room on which he was variously watching something my son referred to as “weird” while a spread sheet was splayed across another monitor.
We greeted him warmly- I wasn’t sure if he was the owner or a guest. He literally recoiled from me when I offered to shake his hand and offered a fist bump instead. He had on heavy wool socks inside his Birkenstocks and a couple of layers under a sweatshirt. He struck me as weird.
When I climbed the stairs to my little room on the third floor, it was 77-78 degrees. I was not happy and considered getting a hotel room for the night. My son went down to talk to the weird guy- turns out his name was “John”. John acknowledged that some time earlier in the day he had turned off the AC because he was cold. He said he would turn it back on (my son concluded that John had overheard our conversation about my room and knew I was not happy).
My son and his husband left. My son told me to close and lock the door to my room.
I sat in my stuffy little room trying to figure out how to get cool. Literally and figuratively.
There was a miniature fan about the size of a small watermelon- but nothing else. I didn’t want to leave the door to my room open to get some circulation because – well- John. After about 20 minutes I realized I was going to need to turn the AC down to cool the room off if I was to get any sleep at all.
So I reluctantly went downstairs and said nicely to Weird John “Hey can I bother you one more time? It is really hot in my room and I need to adjust the temperature. How do I do that?” He gestured vaguely at a wall in the living room. I started to walk in that direction and he muttered something like “if you turn it down any more than 70 the people on the first floor turn to slush and ice”. I asked him to repeat himself because all I heard was something about slush. Then he said I should talk to the co-host, Haley before I turned it down. I asked if Haley were there and he said “I don’t know”.
The next day I learned that Haley and her boyfriend were indeed there since at the time John and I were having our little chat it was almost midnight and Haley and her boyfriend also lived in the house.
I said something to the effect of “well, I guess since we are all living in the same space we will all just have to compromise a little bit. I will turn it down to 68 until my room cools off. Then I will come back downstairs later tonight to turn it back up to 70.” As I was walking over to turn the thermostat down Weird John said “I don’t want to argue with you but…”. I don’t remember the rest. I was pretty angry by this point. First of all, he was not the owner; and second I had clearly missed the part where John was named the boss of the thermostat. I went back to my room and locked the door again.
I waited about 30 minutes. I loaded a thermometer app on my computer. It was about 74. I waited until it was 72. Then I went back downstairs to turn the thermostat back up to 70.
As I was coming down Weird John was of course still hard at work pretending to be hard at work. By now it was almost 1 am. John knew I was coming down to adjust the thermostat because- while still with his back to me staring at his three computer screens John said “I turned it back up”. When I got to the thermostat and saw that he had, in fact, ignored our conversation and my discomfort, I said “yes, I see that”. He said “are you more comfortable now Cindy?” To which I responded, “Yes thank you”. It weirded me out that he used my first name and inquired about my comfort when he had so steadfastly ignored it and tried to guilt me into ignoring it too. I went back upstairs and locked the door for a third time.
I messaged the co-host Haley on the Air Bnb app, advising her of what had happened and asking that she speak to Weird John about keeping the AC on. This was her response:
"Sorry about that, the other guy (John) in the house got a little chilly after my boyfriend turned the AC down a little yesterday because it was almost 100 outside. You are welcome to turn it down or if you don’t feel comfortable I can turn it down for you and have a quick chat with John."
Yesterday, I posted a short but complimentary review of my stay: “Lovely home. Very nice!” Since the owner Jake G. was in Spain the entire time I was in his house, I sent him a private message and merely suggested that he leave more detailed instructions about how the house temperature should be monitored, especially on days when the heat factor is very high.
Apparently woman-splaining is strong trigger for Jake.
In response to my review and private message he posted a review in which he accused me of starting an argument over the temperature. He went on to claim that he had quickly intervened to resolve the “conflict” I had created so as to “cater” to me. He also claimed that my room was left “dirtier than normal”. But the truly unfathomable thing was that he claimed that “some items were missing” after I checked out. I had to re-read it about three times before it sunk in.
This was all a complete fabrication. The last statement, in addition to being a very bold lie, was also defamatory. I posted a public response to Jake, which, I will admit, was replete with indignation. I called Air Bnb and demanded that the post be removed. After a few hours, it was.
As I understand it, that rarely happens. And certainly not that fast. But Jake’s claims were so patently false that even Air Bnb didn’t have to take much time to investigate. The removal also might have been hastened because I advised Air Bnb that not only was Jake defaming me, but every day that the post appeared was another day of defamation damages against Jake and Air Bnb.
Today when I checked my reviews on Air Bnb just to make sure Jake’s fraudulent review hadn’t somehow snuck back online, I saw there was a new review from Jake. I held my breath for an instant. Then my brief panic became incredulity:
"Unfortunately, I was out of the country during Cindy’s stay, otherwise I would have assured that the temperature was pleasant to all on a hot day. Once Cindy notified me of the issue, I was able to communicate with my co-host and the other guest to get it resolved quickly. No one wants to sleep in a warm room on a hot day, I completely get that as a host."
And there was Jake, still trying to take credit for a situation he did nothing to address, and now trying to pass himself off as a totally compassionate host when in fact hours before he painted me as an unreasonable woman who had to be “catered” to. Not once did he mention that his completely fabricated post from a few hours earlier in the day had been taken down.
You know what? A simple “I’m sorry” would have been nice.
If I could respond to Jake’s attempt to restore post honesty, (which I can’t), it would be short and simple:
WHAT THE FUCK????